The Reverend Robert Earl Stiefel, PhD, Obl. OSB, 83, of Dover, NH, died peacefully at Dover Center on Saturday, July 20, 2024, after a long illness. He was predeceased by his beloved wife, the Rev. Dr. Jennifer Haynes Stiefel. They married at the Episcopal Church of the Advent in Boston, MA, on December 6, 1969, and were partners in life for more than 52 years.

Robert graduated from Oberlin College (AB, 1963), where he studied German, French, and music. Robert then attended Harvard University (PhD, 1970), where he studied Germanic languages and literature and music history and was an Instructor and Resident Tutor. While at Harvard, Robert met his wife-to-be, Jennifer, and his life-long friend, George Schober. In addition, Robert received travel and study/research grants from the Lilly Foundation, the Ford Foundation, and the university. He subsequently taught German language and literature and general humanities as an Assistant Professor at Haverford College (1969–1975), and then followed his religious calling at Nashotah House Theological Seminary (MDiv, 1978), In 1979, he was ordained as Priest by the Right Rev. William Carl Frey, Bishop of Colorado.

Robert served as Priest and Rector at The Church of Christ the King (Arvada, CO; 1980–1988). In 1991, Robert and Jennifer moved to New Hampshire, which turned out to be a safe diocese for LGBTQ+ people. He served as Priest and Rector at Christ Episcopal Church in Portsmouth, NH (1991–2002), and was voluntary chaplain at Maple Suites Independent Living Retirement Center during their residence (2013–2018). In addition, he was a Fellow of the College of Preachers at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC. After moving to New Hampshire, Robert also taught and served as a student advisor in the University of New Hampshire's History, Humanities, and Honors programs (1992–2013).

Throughout his life, Robert found ways to guide and help people, whether through pastoral care, activism, teaching, or friendship.

His marriage of 52+ years with Jennifer was among his primary life accomplishments. During their decades together, Robert and Jennifer explored the relationship between a gay man and a straight woman in love. While at Oberlin, Robert met an important friend, Michael Lynch, who (after they had lost touch) moved to Toronto, where he became one of the founding fathers of the Canadian gay rights movement and AIDS action. After learning of Michael Lynch's death in 1992, Robert became active on behalf of LGBTQ+ rights in the Seacoast region of New Hampshire and became a member of the Board of Directors of AIDS Response–Seacoast and later on, with Seacoast Outright. With the support of Jennifer and area clergy, Robert came out as gay on May 21, 1997.

Many of Robert's long and rich friendships originated from his teaching positions. For him, teaching covered far more than simply the basics; he shared insights into the subject matter that incorporated multiple facets of culture: food and drink, history, illuminating anecdotes, music, and art. Robert rejoiced in sharing his conviction that, as one of his former students put it, "life was exciting and worth living." For many, encountering a professor who exhibited such generosity, kindness, and wisdom was a welcome and refreshing part of the learning experience. In 1966, a student created for Robert a woodcut of the famous quote from Henry Adams: "A teacher affects eternity. He can never tell where his influence stops."

Here are a few examples of Robert's interests. Robert's life was brightened by the loving company of many cats, many of whom possessed memorable names and personalities, until he and Jennifer moved into Dover Center.

He was enthralled by Germanic culture (leaving aside the Hitler years), especially music and religious art, and thoroughly enjoyed the time he spent living and visiting Austria and Germany. Classical music was an integral part of Robert's life from childhood. Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Dvorak, and Mahler were among his favorite composers, but he also had favorite conductors, orchestras, concert halls, and individual performers. Robert could readily and knowledgeably discuss the nuances of various performances.

"Alice In Wonderland" interested him lifelong. The whimsey, wordplay, and labyrinths of meaning-and labyrinths in general-fascinated him, and he was delighted to teach a popular course at UNH and to give post-retirement presentations on the topic in the community.

Good food and drink, in excellent company, gave Robert joy throughout his life. Towards the end of his life, he particularly craved Thai food and milkshakes (not standard fare in nursing homes); friends would bring him dishes from local restaurants.

Robert is survived by many friends, as well as six nieces and nephews and their families, and 12 grand-nieces and grand-nephews. Kafryn W. Lieder and Craig Katz, longtime friends, helped Robert and Jennifer for many years.

Robert was born in Baltimore, MD, the only child of the late Earl Robert Stiefel (born April 4, 1910, in PA; died March 13, 1990, in Duval, FL) and of the late Gertrude Rea Meeks Stiefel (born October 22, 1914, in Baltimore, MD; died April 1, 1994, in Portsmouth, NH).

Family and friends thank Harborside Hospice and Dover Center staff for loving care.

May he rest in peace, reunited with Jennifer, rise in glory, and know the grateful welcome of his Savior, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

"Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore, we must be saved by hope.... Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint. Therefore, we must be saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness." – Reinhold Niebuhr.